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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?